the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
