I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
