pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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