On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
