I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
