Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
