his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
