that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
