I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
