I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
