if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
