do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
