I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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