if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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