CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
