Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
