He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
