put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
