the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
