You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Randomize
