Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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