i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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