we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
