I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
