I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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