I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
