Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
