I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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