When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
