I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
