i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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