you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
