What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
