Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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