I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
