The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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