I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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