you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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