Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize