Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
