Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize