The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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