i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
