I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
