Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
