he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
