Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
