I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
try to milk me bitch
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