I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is the high leading the old right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
