You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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