Princesses don't give blow jobs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
