He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
