I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
