I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
