I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
