im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
