no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
