he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
