yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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