today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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