Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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