Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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