Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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