absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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