8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
