I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
